I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
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