Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
