The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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