U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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