I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
