I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
