i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Hippo gnu deer
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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