The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
