barbara walters just said penis...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
