I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You're like the curious george of whores
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My vagina is very pro this idea
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
