I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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