so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
