dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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