Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
