Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i think i have two assholes
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
