I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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