your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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