First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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