Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
