Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
