What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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