Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
