I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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