I feel great
I just peed on a car
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize