she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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