Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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