Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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