im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
