I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
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