how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
