Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
