Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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