I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize