My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
