He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Randomize
