My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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