First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
