I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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