I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
