Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
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i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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