this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
