I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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