I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
