Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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