It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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