The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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