Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
