You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
