Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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