My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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