My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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