I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
