Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
