Redeem this text for a blowjob
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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