Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
