apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
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Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
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Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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