I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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