Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
