to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
