So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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