"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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