Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
