I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Randomize
