So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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