i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
