it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
