i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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