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My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
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