He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
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Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
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I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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