the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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