i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
